我曾經對那些我認為是野獸的東西
避之唯恐不及，或激烈爭鬥，或假裝無視;
那些野獸隱藏在我內心最黑暗的地方。
晚上牠們自己從我的身體裡出來，
在我的床邊繞著，竊竊私語，
並哼唱著痛苦，悲傷，跟困惑。
但現在我依偎著牠們，
與我的野獸一起吃東西和探索。
我們進入黑暗，尋找良善的種子和力量。
我們做溫暖的草藥飲品，
我們互相滋養，互相支持擁抱。
我們從舊線編織出新的花樣，
我們把多餘的食物製成堆肥；
為內在的種子提供新的養份，新的想法和話語。
因為我學會了去愛這些野獸，
理解他們需要這麼大隻，
需要化形為嚇人的野獸，
才可以為我承擔我龐大的悲傷。
才可以堅持一直試圖讓我看見自己需要療癒的地方。
這些野獸看起來很狼狽，
那是因為他們在最嚴峻的洞穴裡，
最脆弱的創傷中，
最堵塞麻木的氣結裡，
搜尋著療癒大門的鑰匙。
而我的工作是在門口迎接這些野獸，
我的口袋裡裝著的是友善，關心和自我理解。
這些就是野獸向我展示的工具，
這些工具可以幫助舒緩，
讓人躺下休息，
把砂礫變成珍珠，
把令人不適的東西變成生命之藥。
這些野獸，牠們是我的一部分，
牠們擁有一個很大的療癒真相
他們掌握了讓我更貼近自己靈魂的秘密。
I used to hide from, struggle against and ignore what I thought were beasts; hidden inside me, in the darkest of places. Pulling themselves out of my body at night, to pace around my bed, whispering, and humming the pain, the sorrow, the confusion.
But now I snuggle, feast with and explore alongside my beasts.
We enter the darkness searching for seeds of kindness, and power.
We make warm herbal brews, we nourish each other and hold each other.
We weave new threads from the old, we make compost from the edgy; feeding our seeds of new ways, new thoughts and words.
For I learnt to love these beasts, understanding they needed to be big, to be beastly, so they could carry such a sad weight to me.
So they could have the persistence to keep trying to show me where I needed to bring healing.
These beasts look ragged for they search in the grittiest of caverns, the sorest of wounds and the numbest of concrete lumps; for the key to the gate of healing. And it is my job to meet these beasts at the door with my pockets full of kindness, care and self compassion.
For these are the tools the beast has shown me are the ones that help soothe, lay to rest and alchemise the grit into pearls, the uncomfortable into medicine.
They are part of me, these beasts, the part that holds a big truth to healing, they hold the knowledge of how to come closer to my soul.
(Word by Brigit Anna McNeill)
(Art by Andy Kehoe Art)
(Translation by 7flow)
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